Frustration
by elephantsneverforget
Summary: Everyone was there to witness this party that was sure to go down in Hogwarts history! That is, everyone except a lone girl back in her dormitory.
1. Chapter 1

There was a party.

It was Blaise Zabini's birthday and he invited all 6th and 7th years to come and celebrate with him. Although everyone was still wary about mixing with other Houses, especially mixing with Slytherins, people seemed to forget rationality when free flowing booze was mentioned. The Gryffindors, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs just made sure they practiced their hexes beforehand and placed their wands within easy reach. One can never be too sure, really.

So that night about a hundred people were jammed inside the Slytherin Common Room. The party was raging! It was one o'clock in the morning and it showed no signs of stopping. People were getting drunk and dancing and partying like there was no tomorrow. Everyone was there to witness this party that was sure to go down in Hogwarts history!

That is, everyone except a lone girl back in her dormitory.

She was at the party having a blast. She enjoyed the food, enjoyed dancing with Ginny and Luna. She even allowed herself to drink a glass or two of firewhiskey. It was her first time and it burned like mad but she really was trying her best to unwind and have fun. Well in truth, she was really just trying to drink so as not to think about the thing, the being, that… wizard who was occupying her thoughts.

She tried flirting with other boys to no avail. It didn't come as a shock to her that boys are intimidated with her extensive knowledge of things. She reminded herself to shut up and dumb herself down the next time but she still failed. Apparently, her playing it dumb and giggling at everything they say creeps the boys out. She needed a distraction from what she has been noticing all night.

It was that boy's fault. He had the most enchanting eyes she had ever seen. He was smart, handsome, charming and most importantly, sweet and kind when he chose to be. He was the only boy she knew who she could hold an intelligent and interesting conversation with. They had been bunked in the same dormitory for a couple of months now. What started out as pure loathing turned into civility and then for her, turned into attraction, admiration and now, adoration. She desperately tried to shun her feelings but again, to no avail. Stupid bouncing ferrets aren't very easy to forget, so she learned.

He had been flirting with random girls all night. He hopped from one witch to another, offering them drinks, offering them food, winking at them, smiling at them, dancing with them and sometimes even groping them. It was disgusting but she, oh how pathetic she was, wished with all her heart, soul and mind that it was her he was doing all those to.

Eventually, she gave up. The heart can only take so much, apparently. She put down her second glass of firewhiskey (it really did burn), excused herself from the people she was talking to and left.

And this was where we found her – huddled under her covers, heart heaving in pain and tears streaming down her face.

She was cursing herself. She hated that she let him affect her this much. She hated that ever since she realized she felt this way for him. She had allowed him to bring out this pathetic side of her. She had allowed him to strip her off her rationality and sense.

She was still beating herself up on the inside when she heard footsteps coming up the stairs. He was probably back from his partying. She begged all the gods that he didn't bring anyone back up with him. Torture. It would be complete torture if she had to hear them get hot and steamy through the wall.

Groaning to herself, she pulled a pillow over her head to stifle any other sound – just in case her worst fears were to come true.

"Hermione?"

She stiffened in her position.

"Oh come on, Hermione, I know you're awake. I heard you groan when you heard me in the hallway." He sat on the foot of her bed, facing her back.

She was still in too much shock to process what was going on. That was why she couldn't and didn't speak.

He sighed. "Fine. Don't talk then. Which is good cause I really need you to listen. I have something I need to say."

Her eyes widened. Her heart was fleetingly filled with hope. She prayed again to all the gods to be kind to her. She waited.

"I HAD THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE, GRANGER!" He exclaimed, slapping the bed in excitement. "I scored so many times tonight! You WOULD NOT believe how many girls I got to dance with! I even got to grope this 6th year student. She wasn't much of a looker but over time, I'm sure her body will develop oh so nicely. The way she was ogling me, bloody hell! I could see her fantasies by just watching her watch me!"

Hermione shut the world out towards the middle of his raving. She wanted to hex him into oblivion. No wait, she wanted to hex herself for feeling this way towards the most insensitive and arrogant bastard in the whole world – muggle and Wizarding. Tears were forming in her eyes again yet he still kept speaking.

"—had no idea what she was getting into! I mean, I was a little tipsy then but I just know that at the end of the night, I was the envy of every wizard in that party. The way those girls yearned for me, man, that was really something. Blaise is a genius for planning this out! Oh and there was this one girl who – "

She had had enough. She spoke up, "I don't really wanna hear all this, Draco."

He laughed. "Oh come on Herms, no need to be such a prude! Don't you wanna know how I landed the brunette with the really huge – "

"Draco!" She almost shouted, still huddled under her covers and hidden under her pillow. "I would really appreciate it if you just shut up!"

He was surprised. He frowned and got irked. "I listen to you tell me about house elves and magical creatures who aren't being treated fairly. I don't get why you are too bloody excited about new parchment and quills but I let you talk all afternoon about those bloody things and now that I want to tell you something that really cheered me up, you shut me up?"

She sighed. "You don't get it."

"I don't get what?" His voice was getting louder. He was getting frustrated.

"Nothing. Forget about it. Please, do tell me more about tonight's conquests." She said, thick sarcasm laced with every word.

"What the hell is your problem? You're ruining my evening." He said slowly, but there was something in the way he said it that seemed to say that he really wanted to know what was wrong.

She sighed, tears now falling again down her face. "Nothing, okay? Just… forget I said anything."

He sighed sounding very exasperated. "You're testing my patience, Granger."

"Huh, back to Granger now?" She said, hurt in her voice. She was hating herself for this display, by the way. It was not like her to be so weak and vulnerable. It was never like her to show Draco Malfoy that she was quite the weakling.

He was massaging his forehead and temples now. He really was confused. He didn't know what on earth her problem was. Here he was, finally cheery about something after all those months and here she was, shutting him up. "Hermione?" He looked at her small shape, curled under the sheets, back still turned from him. "Hermione?" Silence.

"Hermione, look at me. I am talking to you." He moved closer to her, pulled the pillow of her head and made her face him. He saw tearstains down her cheeks and he breathed in. Seriously, what was wrong with her?

She was not prepared for this. She did not know he would pull her up and make her face him. They were merely inches from each other and he was staring at her face. She turned away. "You really don't get it."

"Don't get what?" He was still looking at her.

"All of this. Everything."

"Hermione, you're confusing the life out of me. Will you stop speaking in codes and just say what you're really trying to say?" His voice was rising again. This time he was really angry. He wanted so bad to understand what was going on.

She sighed. She was going to break. She could feel it. She fought back the tears. She bit her lip so that he wouldn't see it quiver. They were silent for what felt like forever.

He was first to crack. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her and said slowly and clearly, "What is your problem?" This time he paused after every word. He was tired of what she was playing. Silence still. She showed no signs of breaking. After a while, he released her from his grip and turned away.

"Gods, Hermione, you really did it now. You really ruined my evening. Are you happy now? I should have stayed in that party, I could have avoided this idiotic conversation we're having, which is NOT a conversation seeing as I'm the only one actually talking." He was pulling his hair now in frustration. "I wish I just brought back that brunette from the party." That last part he said in an almost whisper.

That was when she finally broke. "You don't get it! You really don't! You're a bloody idiotic ferret, you know? All you ever think about is yourself! Your feelings! Your wants! Your needs! You never even bother to think of how the people around you feel! If you only took one blasted second from your seemingly perfect life you would have gotten it! You would have understood! You would have known!"

"Known what?"

"I'm in love with you, you stupid, selfish and arrogant ferret! I have been since that stupid day when you stopped calling me 'mudblood' and started treating me like an actual human being. I have been since you let me borrow your coat during one of our rounds because I was cold. I have been since you called me 'Hermione'. I have been since you stopped looking at me in disgust and anger. And I have been the dumbest and most idiotic fool for letting myself feel this way when it's just so obvious that you will never ever look at me the way I look at you. I am a classic fool for loving the one I can never be with!"

Silence. Complete silence.

She gasped at the words that came out of her mouth. She had been holding all of that in for months now and when it came out, she just was not able to get a hold of herself. She did not dare look at him for fear of the worst. Instead, she just muttered, still fighting back tears, "Please go away, Draco", and buried herself under her covers and pillows again.

The last thing she heard was her door slam shut.

The only thing he heard were muffled sobs.


	2. Chapter 2

It's the morning after that fateful night when Hermione Jean Granger blurted out her feelings for one Draco Lucius Malfoy. Draco just got up from a night of, well… tossing and turning. As much as the whole of Hogwarts would like to believe that he is devoid of any true emotions, he is, in fact, a sensitive little one when he chooses to be.

For hours, he has been lying on his bed thinking of nothing but the words Hermione uttered. 'Shocked' was not enough to explain how he felt. Surprised? Stunned? Perplexed? He could think of all the words in the world that amount to almost the same thing and still come up short. She loves him. LOVE. L-O-V-E. It wasn't an "I like you" or "I may have some feelings for you" sort of emotion. It was love – the word, the emotion, the only thing that he was unfamiliar with. She LOVES him. She, a muggle-born, a family enemy, LOVES him.

For hours, he has been thinking of what in this world actually possessed Hermione Jean Granger, brightest witch of their age, one of the Golden Trio, Gryffindor Princess, to actually develop any sort of feelings for him, Draco Malfoy, son of a Death Eater, puppet of his parents and her biggest bully since they could remember. Sure, they had cast aside all hard feelings and have become civil – actually, friends – but never did he think that she would find anything in him that would strike, he gulped, _love_.

For hours, he has been wondering why he thinks he is not enough for a girl. Then he realizes that this is not just any other girl he winks at, snogs and sleeps with. He realizes that she was never classified as just "one of Draco's girls". She was, for the billionth time that night, Hermione Jean Granger. She never swooned when he winked at her, never giggled at his pick-up lines, never batted an eyelash when he met her eye. She never let him talk about just him nonstop for hours. She never let him walk all over her. She was tough, witty, incredibly intelligent and probably the only girl his age who he actually had real conversations with.

For hours, he has been hitting himself in the head with an imaginary bludger for not looking at her THAT way. Sure, he noticed that she had grown with grace. He had seen how amazing of a person she is. He has had first-hand experience of her warmth, her thoughtfulness and her care. She was funny, without having to try. She was charming, without even forcing it. She was beautiful, without needing to lift a finger. She was the first person in his life who ever let him be who he wanted to be. He let his guard down when he was around her and believed that he was really "home" with her.

The last thirty minutes of his tossing and turning consisted of him yelling all curse words he knew in his head. He did not realize what a complete idiot, moron and git he was. It was there all along. He KNEW it all along yet he never took the time to really figure out why he felt that comfortable and at ease with her. He KNEW he had butterflies in his stomach whenever she fell asleep with her head on his lap during their late-night study sessions in the Common Room. He KNEW he spent a good thirty minutes to almost an hour watching her chest rise and fall whenever she did fall asleep on him. He KNEW his favorite sound in the world was her laugh whenever he tried to crack jokes, which were usually in vain.

The final five minutes of his thoughts consisted of this – _When she wakes up tomorrow morning, I will, I will, I WILL tell her that I love her too._

And so he finally got up after his hours of deep thought, dressed up in his uniform and to his surprise found her in the Common Room waiting for him.

"Hermione." He almost whispered.

"Hi." She answered with a whisper as well.

Silence. He was staring at his shoes and cursing himself for being more of a Longbottom than a Malfoy at this moment. He was about to say something when she spoke first.

"Draco, I… I have something to say." She said, still in an almost whisper. He noticed she was very nervous and he hoped that she was going to relay her sentiments again from last night. He let her speak hoping that she would start the topic and that he could take off from there.

She continued. "About everything I said last night…"

"Yeah?" He asked, hopeful.

"Can we…" She finally looked at him in the eye and took a deep breath. "Can we maybe just forget that ever happened?"

He was stunned, too stunned to respond.

She took this as a cue to continue, "It's just that after pulling myself together last night, I realized that maybe this was all a mistake. You and I are, sadly, from different worlds. We never really got a good start with our… relationship and well, I guess I just… understand where you are coming from now. I mean, you still really are an amazing person to talk to and we have a pretty good friendship. I guess I'm just trying to say that this whole thing about… other and deeper feelings, I- I just hope we can put it aside because I don't- I don't want us to be so awkward around each other. You're a really important person in my life and I'm just, I'm hoping we can still be how we were. What I'm saying is I'd really still want our friendship to be the same. I mean, I know it'll be awkward at first but through time we can maybe look back at this and- and laugh."

He was stunned again. He had been hit by the stunning spell tons of times. He had been cast the _Petrificus Totallus_ spell more than his fingers and toes can count but this, this hit him like a ton of bricks and left him tongue-tied and frozen in his spot.

"Is- is that okay?" She asked, so soft he had to strain to hear.

He took forever to respond. His mind was a whirlwind. He wanted to scream that he loved her. Yet the hopeful look in her eyes, the look that seemed to say that this would make her happy caused him to bite his tongue. He gave a curt nod and forced a smile.

She nodded back and forced a pained smile. "Thank you. I'll see you later, I guess. Breakfast time." And with that, she left.

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. Little by little, Draco and Hermione were able to get back to their old selves and to their old relationships. The only difference was that they oh-so-secretly yearned for one another. After that whole morning-after-Blaise's-party agreement, neither had the guts to speak their minds, and neither ever visited that sort of topic anymore. Both being stubborn and proud, they swallowed what they really felt and tried their hardest to just be friends. On the outside, they were perfectly happy as friends. On the inside, violent storms of emotions were brewing.

They were able to spend time together again. They were able to go back to their nightly routines of studying together, helping each other write essays and homeworks and exchanging random stories and jokes that they heard. Draco was still a horrible comedian but Hermione was an appreciative audience. He was seeing girls on the side, only as a façade. He needed to show Hermione that they were normal again. He never really did bring any girl back to the room anymore. Any snogging sessions he had with girls always ended in disasters now that he tried to strike conversations with them. He was secretly hoping he would find someone to talk to and connect with the way he does with Hermione, of course, to no avail.

Hermione, on the other hand, immersed herself in books. It was only a few months before their final Finals in Hogwarts. She was a bundle of nerves just thinking about it. She did extra credit works, read way more than required and aced all practical tests and homeworks. She poured her heart out – her heart overflowing with love for Draco – to her homework. That was where she channeled all her energy. She had to pretend to never be hurt whenever she saw Draco walking down the halls with his latest catch but was thankful that he was considerate enough to not bring anyone back to the room anymore.

And so Finals came and went and before they knew it, they were already boarding the Hogwarts Express for their ride home. All the 7th years were in tears. They were finally saying goodbye to a place they called home for 7 years, well 8 years for those who repeated because of the war. Trunks and cages of owls and other pets were loaded. All students were aboard the scarlet train and ready to set off to London. Good ol' Hagrid was standing in the platform waving goodbye to his favorite students who he had loved since their first year. He had tears in his eyes and was blowing his nose rather loudly into his handkerchief. The train gave a final whistle and off they were.

Hermione found herself walking to the first compartment – the Heads compartment. She wanted to sit with Harry and Ron but because they were so engrossed in being all lovey-dovey with their significant others, she decided to sit with Draco. After all, this was probably the last time she'll be seeing him. She wanted to relish this last moment with the love she never had.

"Hello!" He greeted her when she came in.

"Hello yourself!" She smiled and sat down on the seat across his.

"Why aren't you with Potter and Weasley? I assumed you three would be hugging each other and in tears now." He smirked.

She rolled her eyes, "Shut up. I wanted to sit with them but seeing as they're too busy sucking faces with Ginny and Pansy, I really had no choice."

He shuddered when she said Pansy. "Still really can't believe Weasley's snogging Pansy."

"Hey, you snogged her first!" She giggled, albeit a bit hurt at the thought.

He shuddered yet again. "Biggest mistake of my life."

"Really?" She asked, laughing.

He paused when he remembered that morning when he didn't tell her how he felt about her. "No, not really, but it's in the Top 5."

She nodded and smiled. They were silent for a while.

"So Herms, what are your plans for the summer, and eventually for life?"

She groaned. "I really don't know why that nickname you gave me caught on. It sounds horrible!"

He laughed. "It's my special name for you, now suck it up and answer my question!"

She rolled her eyes yet again. "Well, next week, my parents and I are going to South Africa for a little break. That's their graduation gift for me. We'll be staying there for around three weeks touring the area around it too. What are your summer plans?"

"Well, my mother and I are going to go on that magical cruise they were talking about in the Daily Prophet the other day. It's the maiden voyage and mother got the best suite in the ship. We leave the day after tomorrow. I think we'll be gone for a month."

"Damn, Draco, you always have to be one-up, huh?"

"I beg your pardon, 'one-up'?" He asked confused.

"Oh, sorry. It's a term from a muggle video game, Mario. 'One-up' is when Mario gets bigger and gets another life. Well, people sort of use it as an expression that means you're always a level higher on things. Like in your case now, our other classmates get to go to France or the Americas or work for the summer and you, Mr. Malfoy, get to go on the maiden voyage of the magical cruise and stay in the best suite." She explained. "One-up!"

"Hmmm, odd term but okay, yes, I am always, as you say, 'one-up' on things." He then smirked. "I am a Malfoy, you know."

"And still so arrogant, eight years later." She smirked back.

It was his turn to roll his eyes. "And what about your plan for life? What are you gonna do now?"

She thought for a moment. "I've always wanted to work in the Ministry doing research. They must have an amazing collection of books and resources which I would like to put into good use. I could do researches on potions or criminal cases or Dark Magic being used. I'm not really sure but I just really want to put my thirst for knowledge into good use."

He laughed, "And still the bookworm, eight years later."

She scowled at him. "And your plans for your life, Mr. I-am-always-a-level-higher-than-everyone Malfoy?"

"I haven't really thought about it. I would like to enjoy life for a while and take it easy but I would also like to be an Auror. Yes, I saw that face you just made, I have always wanted to be one. My knowledge of the Dark Arts will be put to good use as an Auror. Of course, I will only use this for them to be able to help Aurors prepare for whatever attack a Dark Wizard may shoot their way. But yes, an Auror seems like a very good career for me. I mean, I don't need to get paid so much anyway so why not do something I enjoy – dueling and fighting other wizards!"

"Wow Draco, you never cease to shock me."

"I hope that's a good thing?"

She smiled. "Very much."

Silence.

"Hermione, to tell you the truth, I never thought we would end up like this."

"I know exactly what you mean. I never thought I would find so much in common and feel so much at ease with the one person that has tormented me for years." She laughed.

"Agreed. I never knew that muggleborns could be bloody brilliant. I never even would have imagined being civil to one let alone being actually friends with one." He paused to think. "Come to think of it, you're probably the first real friend I've ever had. You've accepted me for who I am and believed in who I can be. I hate to say this Hermione but I owe you a whole lot."

She blushed at that and he couldn't help but find her amazingly beautiful. "You're not so bad yourself, Draco. You made me realize that I should always, always give people the benefit of a doubt. Nothing is always what they seem and well in your case, you're not the selfish, arrogant, spoiled brat I once knew." His eyebrow raised and she laughed and quickly said, "Nah, you actually still are but you've grown… tolerable."

He thanked her for that and she merely smiled. They were almost at the station. Five minutes more and they would arrive in platform 9 ¾, forever saying goodbye.

"I'm gonna miss our conversations." She admitted.

He smiled, heart beating so fast. "I will, too. You can't imagine how much."

The train reached a full stop and they could hear people getting off. They were frozen for a while and eventually, grabbed their trunks and got off the train. They turned to face each other.

"Well, I guess this is it." Hermione almost whispered.

Draco nodded, "Yeah."

"Don't ever second guess yourself, Draco Malfoy. You're an amazing wizard and you'll do great someday." She found herself saying.

He nodded again. "Hermione, I KNOW you'll do great things with your life. I only wish that you be happy and that you become showered with so much books, you would be nothing short of ecstatic."

They both laughed.

"Be good, Draco. And try not to give people cause to turn you into a ferret again, alright?"

He scowled then smiled. "Alright. You too, Hermione. Take care of yourself, please. And… don't ever forget me."

She sighed, "I doubt I ever will. Goodbye, Draco."

"Goodbye, Hermione."

She turned to leave and was slowly walking towards her parents who were waving at her near the barrier. She was happy. She was happy. She was happy. That was what she was chanting to herself as she walked away. She was… supposed to be happy. Then why did she feel like her heart was ripping into a million tiny pieces?

Just as she was walking near the barrier, she heard her name.

Draco was running towards her and without any warning took her in his arms in a giant hug. She was stunned silent but got over it eventually and wrapped her arms around him. She would forever remember this moment. She would never have it again, she thought.

"Hermione, I can't, I can't do this anymore."

"Sorry, I don't understand?"

He let go of her and looked deep into her eyes. "You may be okay with being just friends but I'm not. Hermione, I'm not. I don't want to be just your friend. I don't want to be just someone you look back on and say, 'oh we went to school together'. Hermione, I am NOT okay with just being remembered."

"What are you—?"

"HermioneIloveyou." He said in one breath. "I love you. I loved you even before you told me you loved me I just… I didn't realize that was already love. Hermione, I love you and- and I hope I'm not too late."

She was stunned, again. This. This was what she had been hoping, wishing and begging for for months but she found herself tongue-tied. She never prepared herself seeing as she never thought this would ACTUALLY happen.

He was panicking. She wasn't responding to anything he said. He was silently cursing himself for not having the guts to tell her how he felt months ago when she could still have felt the same way. He kept telling himself he was an idiot, an idiot, an idiot, a moronic idiot who lost his chance at happiness with the only one he has ever loved.

Then, as if to shut his brain from all he was saying and thinking, she made her lips met his and they engaged in the most amazing kiss of their life.

"I love you too. I love you still, Draco." She laughed in utter happiness.

They stared at each other for what seemed like forever, smiling and just giddy with so much emotion.

"When we come back in a month's time, I will take you out on a date, Hermione Granger and I swear to spend every minute of my life showing you how much I love you."

With one last kiss, they turned to meet their own families and walked out of Kings Cross Station beaming. _One month_, the both said to themselves as they touched their own lips, _one month to forever._

And so ends the story of how Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger's frustrations turned into a fairy tale dream come true.

**I hope I did not disappoint!**


End file.
